Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MIDGETS
????
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
