1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
