had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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