he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
