so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
