i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
