the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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