i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
