I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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