i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to sanitize my soul.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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