I hate all girls vehemently.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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