I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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