if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
