You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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