Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
