Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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