The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
