i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
