would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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