too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
