I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
