I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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