Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
