Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
