I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
