now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
