Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
