The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
