i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
