Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
