Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
