She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
