weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
