i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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