who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
