did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
