The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How does it feel to date your dad?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
