all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How's work?
Spinning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
