rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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