i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
