just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
