Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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