but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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