Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
