i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
