HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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