Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
