I puked a lego.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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