Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
