WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
