if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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