Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
