just come out here and I will go home with you...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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