I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
