My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He felt like a one man threesome
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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